Imagine a world where all problems are solved by just a few noble people armed with the world’s most advanced technology. Now, imagine if those people were seven badass Canadian puppies. On Sunday night, I entered the chaotic world of the “PAW Patrol” that had giant explosions and a French poodle played by Kim Kardashian.
The children’s animated series “PAW Patrol” has been on sticky iPads for a whole decade, but no one has ever seen the pups like this. After a meteor crashes into Adventure City, each dog gains superpowers from the meteor’s magic crystals.
While I don’t believe any student needs to go see this movie, don’t take this movie-going experience for granted. The production value and character designs were superb and the studios involved did a great job catering to their audience. Before it even started, the theater played a sing-along preview to the action-packed movie so the kids would already be engaged and stimulated.
That being said, if you are in college and want to watch a stupid kids’ movie, then “PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie” might be the best thing you’ll make fun of all week.
Here’s how it went down:
The opening sequence starts out with a bang — literally. A dark-hooded figure robs junkyard owners Hank (James Marsden) and Janet (Kristen Bell). The perpetrator locks Hank in the house and steals the couple’s giant electromagnet they keep in the yard. As they flee, they crash the magnet into a propane tank and the whole place blows up.
As I sat in the theater crying laughing over the ridiculously loud chain of explosions, the pups put out the fire and the movie officially began. Dogs, explosions and screaming children — a perfect night at the movies.
Meteor expert and supervillain Victoria Vance (Taraji P. Henson) used the stolen electromagnet in her latest invention, but in Doofenshmirtz-like fashion, the powerful magnet malfunctioned while pulling in the meteor. It’s worth noting that Vance’s evil montage was set to Olivia Rodrigo’s “Brutal.” That was a choice.
The smallest pup, Skye, is a little cockapoo with a pink suit and big ambition. Unfortunately, while the other pups are growing into new beds and uniforms, Skye remains smaller than the rest. Don’t worry, she only complains about it every 10 minutes after that and it doesn’t get annoying at all.
After Vance gets arrested for destroying Adventure City, she is sentenced to a minimum security prison, where she meets her new roommate, the disgraced Mayor Humdinger of Foggy Bottom. Yes, that is his name, and he also is a small burly man with blonde hair, a handlebar mustache and a bright purple suit and top hat. A zesty Mr. Monopoly if you will.
I actually think the studio made his character similar to Donald Trump, which was pretty funny considering the character is a villain. In one scene, Humdinger was asked why he was in jail and he replied, “I don’t like losing unfair elections,” which gave me a laugh. I think his name is also especially insulting, perhaps a joke for the parents in the room.
Vance and Humdinger easily break out of jail through the sewers “Shawshank Redemption” style. They team up to take down the PAW Patrol once and for all. So they call the PAW Patrol for help in a burning plane and trap Skye and take her crystal. After being rescued, soft piano kicks in and the lights fade. During Skye’s childhood trauma flashback, the audience must listen to an original song performed by none other than Christina Aguilera.
Now that everyone’s either irritated or bummed out, Skye tries to take matters into her own hands by stealing all six other crystals and searches for her stolen piece alone … at night … with no phone. My dog, Casper, is also a cockapoo, and he would never do something as stupid as that.
Predictably, Skye gets trapped and the PAW Patrol have to save her. The climax was a long battle scene with giant explosions, driving dogs and a 200-foot-tall Mayor Humdinger. I could not explain how that happened, it just did.
The only noteworthy event after that is Kardashian’s cameo. Dolores is a primp and proper poodle is sitting in a café when one of the pups crashes into her. She is later declined a social media manager position with the team to which she says in a Kardashian dialect, “who wants a job anyway, eww.”
In the end, Ryder and the pups save the day and there was some lesson about believing in yourself or something. If you want to lighten the mood or make fun of something, just go watch some cute dogs make explosions. And remember, “nobody messes with giant Humdinger.”
