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Dear Seat Stealer,

I’m not sure if you’re aware of the date. Well, it is March, almost April, my not-so-friend. So when I walked into class and you were sitting in the seat I’ve unofficially claimed for the past seven or so weeks, did you know the domino effect of pain and trauma you would cause this classroom?

No, you clearly didn’t. You were only thinking about yourself. You weren’t thinking about how I would then have to steal another’s seat, making me the bad guy. Then they would have to find another seat and now we’ve all just become a classroom of seat stealers, angry and alone, and we can’t even vent to our friends because they’re all the way across the room.

Did you know that the very first day of class I showed up 20 minutes early so that I could get that prime seat? That seat allows me to discreetly be on Facebook during the entire class, while still being close enough to the front that I look slightly involved. Now, I have to act as if I’m involved in the learning environment. I may even have to contribute to the discussion. Thanks a lot, Seat Stealer. How dare you make me learn?

So Seat Stealer, where do we go from here? No, an apology is not enough. Just leave. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Leave my seat before your buttocks makes it uncomfortably warm. I only hope that one day we can move on from this and that you’ll learn your lesson. –K. Riello