Katerina Parizkova

I realize how fortunate I am to have my grandparents, but not everyone does. I have seven: four are alive, two have died and one I have never met. It is easy to overlook these relationships. Through stories, love and surprises, I have learned that our bonds with grandparents significantly influence our lives and the loss of one leaves a deep ache. 

That is why it is important to cherish your grandparents while you can. When they are gone, the ground shifts and suddenly, every story feels priceless.

My Papa died on Thursday, Oct. 30. Losing him hit me harder than I expected. I had gone through this before and I was lucky to get to say goodbye days earlier. For one last time, it was just me talking to him, with the room to ourselves, telling him how he was the greatest grandfather a kid could ask for and that I loved him. It was not the suddenness of his death so much as the hollow space his presence has left behind. I miss his voice, his laugh and the times my brothers and I would play War and Go Fish with him.

My Grandpa Louie died on Nov. 17, 2023. I think about him a lot. I remember his signature greeting line of, “watcha doing?” and always saying that he was going to give me a knuckle sandwich. Moments such as visiting him, discussing life or when he let me drive his truck for the first time — I still remember whenever I drive that same truck, which is now mine. After a grandparent passes on, they continue to teach you, but you must learn to remember them on your own.

Research by ThedaCare shows that grandchildren with strong bonds to grandparents often have better emotional health, stronger self-esteem and fewer behavioral problems. Grandparents also benefit from staying connected, which helps them stay mentally engaged and less isolated.

There are four still with me. My Nana, who was originally married to Grandpa Louie, later married my Papa after their divorce, is now living with Alzheimer’s and dementia. 

Watching her navigate this disease is painful, but there are still bright spots. Sometimes she remembers a story, other times she may ask the same question multiple times. 

Through all that, she is still my Nana, who announced my birth inside Marshalls, where she worked, because her grandbaby was born. I love her deeply and I worry because I miss the person she was before the disease crept in.

Yet in those moments when she smiles at me because she sees my face, or squeezes my hand when I am talking to her, I feel more thankful every day. 

Additional studies by BMC Public Health show that grandchildren who have affectionate relationships with their grandparents show healthier habits and better emotional outcomes. Her memories might fade over time, but my love for her will last forever.

My Grandma was first married to my Grandpa Michael, who died in 1997. She then married my Grandpa Warren a few months after I was born. I still visit Grandpa Warren and Grandma in their nursing home. Sometimes it is awkward going down the same hallway, smelling the building, hearing stories I may have already heard. I still visit as much as possible because I realized what a gift those visits were.

When my grandparents were still getting settled into their nursing home, I would go on trips with my Grandpa Warren to their old house to pick things up. Once, we had to get a life-size wooden giraffe because why not? Walking through their nursing home carrying the giraffe was hilarious but worth it, considering these moments are on a supply-and-demand basis.

Each grandparent showed me a different version of love. Papa introduced me to U.S. presidents and bought me my first book when I was eight. He then created a custom book for me, filled with everything I could want and more. He kept adding things, and I am so thankful he did.

My Grandpa Louie taught me strength and toughness. Nana brings back memories, as I always call her my Granny Apple. Back in fourth grade, I won a contest by writing a letter to the Apple Harvest Parade Committee about how much I love my Nana and we rode in the parade together.  

My Grandma brings resilience and kindness. Grandpa Michael brings a legacy and Grandpa Warren brings life stories.

Grandparents often help grandchildren make sense of where they came from, who they are and what they might still become. One study found that grandchildren who felt emotionally close to a grandmother reported healthier behaviors, such as better sleep and fewer risky habits.

These last few days, the grief has been sharp. My mind wanders to things I wish I had asked them, stories I try to remember. 

Grief teaches you to value what you have while it is still here. It teaches you to call, visit, laugh and say “thank you,” because once that person is gone, you will regret not having done more.

In memory of my Grandpa Michael, whom I never got the chance to meet, I carry the idea that there was someone I would have loved to meet before me. Thanks to stories, I can still feel a connection to him.

To my late Papa Jay and Grandpa Louie, I thank you for your love, memories and the joy you brought into my life. I was fortunate to see both of them days before their passing, and although I never had a one-on-one goodbye with my Grandpa Louie, he told me to take care of my parents, and I will do everything I can to honor that promise.

If you have grandparents who have passed away, look at what they left you. If your grandparents are still here, ask them for one more story. Visit them again this weekend. Listen when they repeat themselves. Laugh when they joke around with you. Tell them you love and appreciate them. It holds more significance than you might realize.