Freshman flaws

Matt Busekroos

Matt Busekroos
Matt Busekroos

Upon my Monday morning walk to pick up my textbooks on campus last week, I noticed some first-day freshman flaws that need to be cleaned up immediately.

As a freshman, it can be scary to be away from the comfort of home. You probably miss your family and friends. However, it’s best to rectify any issues now before it’s too late.

First, put your Q-card in your bag. Save your lanyards for the gym and the shower. You might have worn it during orientation, but the semester has begun. Stop talking about the hypnotist and start making new memories.

Next, drop your confused face and ask for help. Save your sob story at the register. There’s a line.

Stop bragging about yourself. No one cares you were president of the National Honors Society or captain of the cheerleading team. When the professor asks about your summer in front the class, keep it short and sweet. I don’t care that you went to Cambodia and picked rice with your feet. Keep the discussion moving.

Please save your long-winded stories about Saturday night for lunchtime at the cafeteria. While in the library, no one needs to know how much of a shamble you were last weekend. Remember, the library is supposed to be quiet. We can all hear you.

Stop eating. You will run out of meal plan money in November and starve. Pace yourself. You don’t have enough money for the entire semester. Also, the Freshman 15 is not a myth. Drop that pizza and grab a salad. No one wants to go home with an extra chin for winter break.

If you’re homesick, pick one or two people to talk about it with. Not everyone needs to know how much you miss your mom’s cooking.

And just so you know, not everyone gets along with his or her roommate right away. You’re not special. Don’t cop out and switch rooms after the second week unless it’s absolutely necessary. You can use this experience as a difficulty you overcame in a future job interview. No matter where you work, there will be someone who is difficult to deal with.

The trees in the Suites aren’t meant to be climbed. You just look like a tool when you fail to make it up the tree.

It’s OK to walk around campus on your own. Although you probably practiced the buddy system at YMCA summer camp, save that for bathroom trips at the bar.

After reading this, you might ask yourself, “Why listen to a kid who voluntarily walks around campus looking like a porcupine.” You would be correct. I do look like a porcupine, but I own it. Own your actions here. If you want to wear a North Face and Uggs, wear a North Face and Uggs.

At least then you might start to fit in.