Anytime I say something remotely inappropriate like a curse word or a dirty joke around my friends, everything will fall right into place: the gasps, the wide eyes and, of course, the stunned silence. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been singled out and put into the spotlight like this.
Those reactions don’t happen solely amongst my friends, but family, too. I’ve had cousins close in age with their mouth agape when they realized I enjoyed listening to rap music Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne.
I think what makes these reactions occur so often is because of my normal demeanor towards people. I could understand why people would come to the conclusion that I can be this introverted individual, because I am. Anyone you talk to who has known me for years can tell you the fact that I’m not incredibly extroverted as far as my personality goes.
I know in my heart that I am an introverted person through and through, but what I want others to recognize is that just because \I behave that way, doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.
The thing I’ve noticed with people like me who prefer to be silent and more observant is that this gives other people an opportunity to conjure up ideas about us that aren’t true: We are boring or angry or depressed or scared of interaction. Yet, if someone were to put my shoes on their feet they could see how I can live and still have an interest in wanting to be silly by spitting out tasteless humor.
I am currently 20 years old, and in that amount of time, I’ve heard and seen many things that my parents probably wouldn’t want me to know about: Just. Like. You.
I, too, have come across silly twerking videos on YouTube, read love scenes in a romantic novels and even watched a marathon of offensive comedy shows with a smile on my face. I can withstand the F-word being thrown around here and there or someone talking about their sex life, because that’s the fun of life. It’s exciting to curse and discuss about obscene subjects that you wouldn’t repeat to your elders.
It’s a way of expression that’s extremely risque to act upon among children because they shouldn’t speak like that, but we can! Isn’t it cool that adults can casually throw out swear words and mention sordid actions and other adults can just look at them and be like, “Same?”
That is such a weight off of your chest when you think about it! It is a form of expressing one’s self that only adults can use without being severely reprimanded, so I just want to be included in conversations like those without being treated like I’m not a grown woman.
While I do have a tendency to shy away from conversation, especially if it is among large groups of people, once I grow accustomed to certain people I become much more of a social butterfly. So when I do speak, it’s more often than not spoken for a huge purpose.
I don’t usually talk unless I believe it can elevate the conversation rather than providing filler for it, thus when I’m gawked at for simply going with the flow of conversation, it’s not only awkward but also embarrassing.
On the bright side, I have a feeling that the reason I get so much attention for uttering a swear word or showing off my dark humor is because I can come off as a very sweet person, and I’ve learned that when someone is perpetually sweet, people tend to assume that they are innocent minded like an angel.
Personally, I don’t find myself to be an angel, but apparently a lot of people do to the point that they are concerned to talk however they want around me.
You know the saying, “It’s always the quiet ones?” To me, that implies that people who are generally tame shelter more secrets or are deep down the craziest people of them all. I’m not saying that I’m like that, but hey, don’t kick me out of the court before you let me play on the field.
On that note, I guess there’s only one last thing I’d like to say regarding this topic. For those who think I cannot withstand hearing vulgar language: Thank you.
