Wreck: Taco Bell needs to be stopped

Sara Kozlowski

Fast food has done it again. Just when you think the food can’t possibly get any grimier, it does. For those who have no idea where this is going, just wait. Here it is everyone: Taco Bell has announced it will be serving “waffle tacos” as part of its new breakfast menu. The waffle taco consists of a waffle-shaped taco with a sausage patty, scrambled eggs and cheese on the inside. It also comes with maple syrup to put on top. The breakfast menu is scheduled to launch March 27, according to Taco Bell’s website.

Taco Bell takes the cake on this one. The competition is over; everyone can go home now. It is truly a heart attack in a waffle. There is no way any other fast food chain can top this. The waffle taco has received the most attention so far, but many of the other items on the new breakfast menu are equally absurd and unappetizing.

The fast food chain will also feature other early morning disasters like its new “Cinnabon delights,” which appears to essentially be a munchkin sugar donut filled with icing. There’s also something called the “a.m. crunchwrap,” which has a hash brown, sausage patty and egg all stacked on top of each other and is all thrown inside a grilled tortilla wrap. This is just too much to handle.

Taco Bell has completely gone insane, clearly, but at the same time, it seems like they’ve reached a moment of clarity. The new introduction of the waffle taco is going to do wonders for the company in terms of money and publicity. Even if the food looks awful, people are still going to talk about it. Maybe some people won’t want to buy any of it, but it’s getting the word out. A lot of people know about this waffle taco nonsense when the product isn’t even on the market yet. Despite how nasty the food looks and how unhealthy it is, people are going to be so curious to try it anyway. So, good job, Taco Bell. You have successfully made the weirdest breakfast menu on Earth.