The freshman 15…hundred

Mara Yamnicky

No, I’m not talking about how much weight you’ll gain on the Chartwells diet. I’m talking about the 1,620 pieces of fresh meat walking around campus. Come on guys, you mean to tell me you haven’t salivated over that last prime rib that walked by? Oh wait she was a filet mignon. Right, you keep telling yourself that big guy.

But you know want really sends my cholesterol levels through the roof, the effects all this “eye candy” is having on my everyday life around campus. Is it just me, or did the sun burn a hole through the robes of the freshman class during the Induction Ceremony held on Aug. 31? Because the class of 2013 is striking back with vengeance on the upperclassmen by clogging up our social arteries left and right.

Disheartening as it may be, according to the US News & World Report Web site, 95 percent of freshmen live on campus, and to me it’s more than evident. I’ve gotten various complaints from my roommates about the shuttle lines on Thursday and Saturday nights being so long they didn’t even get to go out. (This usually happens anyway, but for an entirely different reason of its own.)

Even the Cafe Q and Bobcat Den lines seemed to have doubled in size. And it’s not like it could have happened at a better time. With half of Cafe Q still under construction, I find myself waiting in line to wait in yet another line. Some way to “live the legend.”

And of course the freshmen inhabit the classic freshman dorms: Irma/Dana, Commons and Ledges, but now, these prima donnas get to live in Irma/Dana as doubles. What, these freshmen can’t make threesomes work?

The other dorms the freshmen reside in, Troup, Perlroth and Larson, were former sophomore housing, giving the freshmen living accommodations that make their dorms seem more like five-star hotels. Quinnipiac’s Web site states these halls are adorned with “sofas, cushioned chairs and coffee tables.” Honestly, what are freshmen going to do with coffee tables when coffee makers are so-called “prohibited items?” Next thing you know, I’m going to see freshmen swimming in their inflatable pools while I’m waiting in line at the Bobcat Den to get a sandwich.

There are some positives to the freshmen class, one being that they seem more diverse than ever, but since when has all the superiority on campus shifted toward benefiting the freshmen? Whatever happened to the rite of passage and upperclassmen privileges? Because I can’t remember when not having cell phone service was considered an advantage.

I say it’s time upperclassmen take a stab back at all that fresh meat walking around campus. The free stuff, the good dorms, the cafeteria – these freshmen have it good, too good, I say! What we need now is to get some upperclassmen’s authority in the Mount Carmel campus’ bloodstream, and the best way to do that is to advocate for some perks as well! Just, don’t make us wait in line, OK?