There is a moment in “Ted” season two when a stuffed teddy bear walks into a bedroom wearing a purple strap-on and asks, “It does go on the front, right?”
That should be the point where a show completely loses me. Instead, it became the moment I realized this season was about to get even more unhinged than the first and somehow way funnier.
Peacock released all eight episodes on March 5. The show follows John Bennett (Max Burkholder) as he tries to survive his 1994 senior year, with Ted as a loud, dumb influence. Actor and animator Seth MacFarlane voices Ted, actor and singer Scott Grimes (Matty), actress Alanna Ubach (Susan) and actress Giorgia Whigham (Blaire).
After watching the latest season, I genuinely don’t know where to start because it is all over the place in the best way possible. Ted and John go to help Matty install a fence at a rich woman’s house and Ted starts an affair with her, but that description does not prepare you for how insane the whole situation gets.
She hands Ted a strap-on so the bear can perform. When her husband comes home early and Ted cannot get the thing off, he tries to hide under the bed, but the attachment gets stuck. Ted then falls down the stairs with the purple accessory bouncing the entire way and runs out of the house like a bat out of hell. Peak television.
That is what makes season two work for me: it never stays in one lane for too long. One minute, John and Ted are using a school basement phone to rack up a giant phone-sex bill and inventing a fake student to avoid fallout. The next minute, John eats shroom-laced brownies before the school play, proceeds to hallucinate on stage and piss himself in a suit of armor in front of the whole school.
John might be the funniest sad case on TV right now. His entire senior year was a lesson in how not to behave around women, adults or anyone with a functioning brain. However, it oddly makes John relatable. He’s not cool or smooth, and he’s not just one smart choice for fixing his life. He’s a teenager, overwhelmed by life and Ted’s bad influence.
“Dungeons & Dealers” is possibly the funniest episode, turning a weed shortage into a family Dungeons & Dragons quest. John, Ted and Blaire try to get pot, while Matty and Susan unknowingly join the game to spend more time with John. The premise is already silly, but the episode shines as the family collaborates, showcasing when “Ted” is at its best.
The season’s turning point is the episode “Roe v. Weed,” in which Blaire gets pregnant after a one-night stand, causing family chaos. Matty pushes for marriage and Susan opposes the abortion on religious grounds. John and Ted steal money, pretend to be “abortion
machine repairmen” at the clinic and fight protesters so Blaire can enter, with them getting their asses kicked. This episode had genuine emotional stakes around reproductive rights, and the fact that they were able to squeeze the same filthy humor without losing its identity is something that most shows cannot even do.
That balance is probably why season two has landed better with audiences than season one. Rotten Tomatoes listed it at 100% from nine reviews as of March 12 and even mixed-positive reviews said the show is more interested in character and story this time around.
Seeing better character development and more in-depth plot points that, yes, get overlooked because a talking teddy bear is smoking weed, truly hits the mark better than I would have thought.
This idea is reinforced when Susan takes the blame for John and Ted during a traffic stop, resulting in her arrest. Initially, it seems like a pointless twist, but it highlights that Susan is the family’s essential glue. It’s amusing because the show finally acknowledges Susan as the mature, emotional center of the household and without her, everything goes to shit.
And because “Ted” can’t go five minutes without doing something insane, season two still includes Matty and Susan working at Dunkin’, with MacFarlane using Artificial Intelligence to portray former president Bill Clinton. By the finale, the family hides the verdict of former football player O.J. Simpson’s trial from Matty with a fake newspaper to prevent another heart attack, possibly being fatal. It may seem over the top, but it fits the theme that the family always chooses the most ridiculous plan before showing care.
No other show on streaming right now has the balls to be this crude, this personal and this emotionally honest all at the same time.
Season two of “Ted” proves that MacFarlane knows exactly what he’s doing when he lets this family be the worst versions of themselves and then makes you give a shit about them anyway. The writing is filthy, the characters are disasters and every episode
finds a new way to make you question what the hell you just watched. That is not a flaw. That is the entire point, and it’s why this season works better than anything else MacFarlane has made in years.
