If you’ve yet to experience the gut-wrenching game that is a “situationship,” you’re one of the lucky few. Simply put, a situationship occurs when two individuals are attracted to one another and enjoy each other’s company for a short while, but aren’t interested in labels.
The most confusing situationships involve long, deep conversations, having a million things in common, romantic outings and gestures and passionate chemistry. Though they may start off fulfilling, the longer this behavior continues without promise of a future, the more emotional and mental damage is done. This is not a relationship. Do not confuse the two. You’re going on dates, but not dating.You’re hanging out every day, but you are not together. Obviously.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it short, sweet and casual when both parties are in absolute agreement. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case, otherwise it wouldn’t be called a situationship. However, at what point do you either need to address your commitment issues or your inability to advocate for standards?
There is a common theme among our generation of avoiding serious relationships. Despite our apparent fear of commitment, we still seek connection and a situationship is the ploy used to get the validation we yearn for out of someone without the strings. A “no labels” label used by fickle love bombers.
Most single people claiming they’re taking some time to work on themselves are looking for a simple excuse to ghost you and find their next infatuation. We’ve all heard the excuses: single people are just not ready to date. Or, perhaps the most popular excuse, they “need to work on themselves right now.” But do they actually?
Too often, we look for validation in other people. Even if we’re wary that the next romantic partner might not be willing to give us the comfort we’re looking for, we continue to ask for it. The situationship could let us down time after time and we still find a flaw within ourselves that needs fixing in order for them to stay.
As much as we may try to twist the game, there’s no way to guarantee your feelings will be reciprocated by someone. It doesn’t matter how long you wait to Snapchat them back, whose Instagram story you like, or how many times you pass them on the way to class. If they’re not giving you genuine effort from the beginning, no amount of straining on your part will change the way they feel.
It’s time we stop searching for comfort and validation in others. That need is what drives us to change ourselves to be liked and the fear of being without it is what pushes us to run away from someone when things get too comfortable.
We might never understand why a relationship we thought was going well is short-lived. A partner leaving after they get what they want is beyond our control. What we can control is our own mindset. The first step to healing is to accept that independence is okay.
Is a week of bare minimum attention and pretend dating really worth the emotional torment of never fully knowing where you stand with someone?
It may be easier to strive for a nonexistent standard, rather than real expectations. Once you let someone in, you open yourself up to possible disappointment or run the risk of letting a partner down if you can’t give them the honesty they deserve.
The feeling of being able to start fresh with a partner again and again is intoxicating. That first week of quality time getting to know someone while there aren’t any expectations is simple, and the implication of commitment afterwards is probably why so many people jump ship while they can still claim they “had no idea it was getting serious.”
This time, instead of entering the same cycle, it’s time to give it a break. Before wasting someone’s time with inconsistency, ask yourself what you’re hoping to get out of this relationship. Instead of hoping for approval from a partner, ensure that you’ve given yourself the validation you need beforehand.
When we’re capable of giving ourselves the love we deserve, weeding out the addictions who will only set us back becomes all the more possible. Freedom from the situationship is what will eventually lead to a future true relationship. For now, let’s prioritize our own independent healing.
