Mickey Mouse Education

Michael Pistone

Last year, I wrote about why Quinnipiac University could be an alternative vacation spot to Walt Disney World. After a year of reflection, I have realized that Quinnipiac has the potential to accomplish something special. Quinnipiac can become the Disney resort of the Northeast with just a few minor changes. I mean, what better way to attract prospective students, than to provide a “Magic Kingdom” experience right on campus.

The absolute first thing that must be done is for Quinnipiac to hire Boomer the Bobcat to walk around campus 24/7 signing autographs and taking pictures with students. This might sound like a waste of money to you, but I guarantee you that the first time you pass Boomer in Tator Hall, you will realize that the money went to good use. Furthermore, the bookstore should capitalize on this by selling personalized Bobcat ear hats that prospective students can buy.

Quinnipiac also needs to do some renaming. First, the various schools need more uplifting names. Something along the lines of science land, communications land, reading & writing land and legal land. Quinnipiac should expand the Lender dome and put the School of Business right inside of it. It could be renamed the Epcot School of Business of Tomorrow.

Why just stop at the buildings, when we can name the parking lots? I know there are very few, but they could easily be renamed the Bobcat Lot, the Boomer Lot and the T.D. Banknorth Presents the Parking Lot at Quinnipiac University to maximize the growing corporate sponsorship trend. With all of these changes, it would then be easy to rename the university to Quinnipiac Kingdom.

Now we need some entertainment. Quinnipiac should invest in light bulbs, so that the golf carts can be equipped with them for a nightly electric light parade down dorm road. Since students cannot drive cars down there, the school might as well make good use of the road. Then, after the electric light parade, students can move out to the quad to prepare for the nightly fireworks show.

Admissions should then train tour guides and Frisbee players to perform random song and dance performances throughout the day, to promote the magic at Quinnipiac. What better way to show what Quinnipiac has to offer than through an elaborate song and dance routine?

Oh! I almost forgot the rides! Luckily, we have a few things in place that Quinnipiac can use to its advantage. First, we can build a submarine ride for the artificial lake next to the School of Business. Call it 20,000 centimeters under Quinnipiac. Then, students can go visit the wide world of sports over at the new athletic center.

Finally, we need a rollercoaster. We already have the mountain – it’s time for us to build Space Mountain at Quinnipiac University. Imagine this, as you go to park in the Bobcat Lot, you swing by Space Mountain and pick up a fast pass. Then, after class, you can go straight to the front of the line for a ride on Space Mountain. What more could you want out of an institution of higher learning? Oh, how about a radio station, more parking, more dorms, a music program and more emphasis on education?