You won’t be disappointed: Give the juice bar a shot

Dan Aceto

Recently I had the distinct privilege of sampling some of the finest grass this side of Connecticut in the Quinnipiac Juice Bar, known only as, “Zia”.

It was last Wednesday I believe, and after returning home from a long day of mind numbing classes, I was ready to hit the sack. But before I was able to settle down within the confines of my residence there was a slight rapping at the door. Turning ever so slightly I gazed through the porthole into the eyes of a one Bradley Bory, staring directly into mine. Ranting and raving, I nearly had to sedate the man myself before I was able to further talk to him. “Wheatgrass”, he finally managed to spit out, but before I could pry any further he went into a full blown lecture about the benefits of this seemingly highly potent plant. I immediately set all things aside, and without giving it a second thought, collected my belongings and headed for the door.

Upon entering the cafeteria that day I immediately noticed the light green pamphlet, “The Wonders of Wheatgrass” sitting atop the glistening marble countertop. I read the thing over once quickly, and proceeded to order up a double shot for myself. Five minutes later I held before myself the mystical plant in all of its glory. Of all substances I had seen in my day, I instinctively knew this to be a putrid and vile liquid looming before my lips. But this was the point of no return. I had been led to this destination by a trusted connoisseur, and now there was no turning back. And so there I was, 18 years old, nothing to lose, and I took the plunge.

Down the rabbit hole I went, as an explosion of vitamins and nutrients leapt into and enriched my body by the second. The mind, body, and soul became separate entities within themselves, as colors and sound blended together in perfect symbiotic harmony. Blinking twice, I came to grips with reality and placed my hand once again on the countertop in an attempt to steady myself. “What is this stuff!?” I gasped as I watched the face of my accomplice twist and distort itself before my very eyes. “Chlorophyll”, he responded darkly, his menacing tone beginning to slowly rise and perpetuate itself throughout the ever shifting room until he burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Needless to say, I crawled back to the room with what remainder of my sanity I had left, and immediately passed out with visions of Swamp Thing in my head.

Despite the numerous amounts of vitamins and enzymes found within wheatgrass, there is belief held by many that wheatgrass may even help in fighting cancer. With flu season just ahead, I have since become a strong supporter of this wheatgrass phenomenon sweeping campus, and encourage the use of it to anyone interested in a strange but satisfying method of sheltering themselves from the forces of nature this winter, not to mention it only costs a 1.50 a shot (2.50 for a double). Unfortunately the grass itself cannot be purchased from the juice bar, one of the first questions I inquired upon my arrival, to see if other methods of ingestion might be more suitable and pleasurable, but for what it’s worth in a shot, your money is well spent, and I assure you, you won’t be disappointed.