Not everyone who walks into your life deserves a permanent seat at your table.
By “getting rid of,” I mean removing them from your life, not killing them — although I know it sounds tempting when they’ve treated you a certain way.
We’ve all had that moment where someone’s words linger a little longer than they should have, and next thing you know, you’re replaying the conversation in your head, thinking of everything you wish you should’ve said instead of staying quiet.
Throughout each of our lives, we’re going to encounter many people, some of whom will have big, loud opinions on the way we live our lives. “You’re weird.” “Those shoes are ugly.” “Why do you laugh like that?” “Why would you even want to go into that career field?”
Sometimes the comments are disguised as jokes, tossed out casually, thinking they’ll be brushed off seconds later. Other times, they’re framed as “advice,” as if the person is doing you a favor by pointing out what they think is wrong with you.
The list goes on and on. They try to dim your sparkle because they hate the reality they’re living.
It’s easier for them to point fingers than to face their own insecurities. So instead, they create new ones for others.
Eventually, their voice begins to stick with you. It’s in your head 24/7, every time you put on an outfit you think is cute, every time you laugh a little too loudly at a joke. You replay their comments in your head before making a decision, wondering if maybe they’re right. Maybe your shoes are a little ugly. Maybe you are really weird. Maybe you should learn to blend in a little more.
Without even realizing it, you begin to shrink yourself. You laugh a little quieter, dress a little safer, hold back on things that once came so naturally to you — all because one person needed their voice heard. They felt entitled enough to point out every one of your insecurities, capitalize on them and turn them into a running joke. Sure, it’s funny to them, but it makes you think twice about things you’ve never second guessed before. It chips away at your confidence until you change yourself enough to avoid their next comment.
You hesitate before you post anything on social media and you overanalyze every small decision. The version of you that once felt so unfiltered and effortless suddenly feels calculated and overly cautious about anything they do.
When people are secure with themselves, they don’t feel the need to tear down others. I’m sure we’ve all heard it from our parents — “They’re just jealous of you.” I never lived by this phrase until I woke up one random day after months of judgement and belittling that I realized it might be true.
That’s why “getting rid of” these people doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be something as miniscule as sharing less of yourself with them or choosing to spend your time with people who don’t make you feel so small. You don’t owe anyone access to your confidence, and protecting your energy isn’t rude — it’s a necessity to lead a happy life. Boundaries have a place in every relationship. Set them.
The right people won’t make you question your sparkle. They’ll notice your quirks, they’ll embrace you and you’ll shine a little brighter because of it. Once you surround yourself with voices that lift you up — and not tear you down every chance they get — it becomes a lot easier to realize that the only voice that truly matters is your own.
Everything will begin to feel lighter. Your day won’t be ruined at 7 a.m. on the dot. You won’t overthink as much and you’ll be able to pursue things that excite you.
The biggest piece of advice I heard over the past few months is “It only has to make sense to you.”
The people in your life will never ask you to shrink yourself; they’ll want you to flourish. Remove the ones with ugly personalities and call it a day. Get rid of them.
