Why do humans seek love?
Love can be many things. It can be platonic, romantic or a little bit of both. It can be beautiful, deep, messy and confusing. It can be ugly, surface-level, organized and life’s missing puzzle piece.
Love can be anywhere. It can be in the melody of a song, the scene of a movie, or a sentence in a book. If love can be anywhere and anything all at once, why do humans believe they know what to look for?
The answer is: They don’t.
Humans believe they know what a relationship is supposed to be — what it looks like, what it feels like — and set their expectations in a way that ends up being unrealistic and ultimately disappointing.
From this standpoint, humans seeking their idea of love set themselves up for failure. It can also prevent them from experiencing a version of a relationship that they did not expect. However, these beliefs do not stem from nowhere; they are either learned or interpreted at some point in life until they are changed or proven wrong.
The depiction of love in the form of a tragedy in literature affects society’s beliefs and expectations of what love should be.
Ranging from “Romeo and Juliet” to “The Great Gatsby,” there are many works of literature widely praised for their inclusion of a theme recognized as love. Regarding stories that include death, failure, murder and suicide alongside romance, love and other intense feelings, people generally focus on the love aspect and refer to the genre as romance while overlooking the horrors that exist and make the story a tragedy.
Often written and viewed through a Romanticism lens, these works do not focus on logic and reason; instead, they highlight acting with the heart rather than the mind. Understanding these tragedies as stories of love can be extremely damaging and contribute to the belief that if the love between two people is not devastating, world-shattering or soul-crushing, it is not enough. This paints a confusing and unrealistic picture of a healthy relationship.
In “The Great Gatsby,” Jay Gatsby is portrayed as complex, dramatic and hyper focused, with his true focus in life being the pursuit of his idealized and romantic version of a relationship with Daisy Buchanan. With this dynamic, anything Daisy gives to Gatsby is enough; however, not in the sense that it fulfills Gatsby, but it fuels his romanticization of their relationship.
Through F. Scott Fitzgerald’s portrayal of desperation, ‘love’ and longing within the novel, these concepts affect the feelings the reader ends up with. Gatsby is a desperate lover who would be incomplete without Daisy, and their “love” becomes a presence in the book that the reader ultimately ends up rooting for.
Gatsby’s idealized dreams and unrealistic expectations regarding his and Daisy’s relationship present a complicated story about heartbreak, unrequited love and the passage of time. Obsession, rumination, upheaval and the inability to move on from a person are not and should not be considered signs of love.
In “Romeo and Juliet,” Shakespeare utilizes imagery, dramatic elements and intense emotions, while also manipulating the idea of youth to relay a similar message. It is ignorant to assume that young people have no experience and therefore do not know any better — yet the relationship between Romeo and Juliet is presented as everything because it is nothing like what they have known before.
Romeo and Juliet’s tragic suicide is commonly perceived as the epitome of romance — the final act of undying love. Death is not love and suicide is not success; both things are tragedies and result in devastation for all parties involved.
Authors write the stories that are studied, praised, retold, believed and passed on for many generations, becoming a foundation for people’s morals, values, beliefs and behaviors towards others and the world.
Directly, the depiction of love in the form of a tragedy, especially in literature, affects society’s beliefs and expectations of what love should be. In many ways, this leads to unrealistic expectations, disappointment and failure, all of which are elements of these stories — however often overshadowed by the perceived presence of lovers “destined” to be together.
Realistically, love is not world-shattering or written in the stars. Although, on the offchance that it feels that way, it should be regarded with caution and the possibility that it is something else in love’s disguise.
Love can be and often is a wonderful addition to a person’s life, and trusting how one feels is extremely important when deciding what is right and enough for them.
It will do no good for a person to search for a version of love they think they need; instead, if the love presented feels right, then that is the love that should be pursued.
