I remember stepping into School of Business room 123 as a first-year for The Chronicle’s fall 2022 kickoff meeting. It was my first time at any club meeting in college, so it was a little scary.

Ok that’s a bit of a lie: I was scared out of my mind.

If you have met me before, you might know that I am one of the most anxious people out there. My mind constantly races with “what if’s,” worries swirling in my head, sometimes leading to full-fledged anxiety attacks.

I often try to put myself out there and try something new, but not without clammy, shaky hands and extreme indecisiveness.

This is why it took me two months after the kickoff meeting to build up courage and write my first article. I had never publicized my writing on a platform like The Chronicle and I began to seriously doubt my writing skills the closer it came to publishing my article.

“What if my writing is not good enough?” “What if I just end up completely embarrassing myself?”

Battling my “what ifs” hasn’t been an easy feat. It leads to self doubt, lack of confidence and constant mind clutter. But I’ve found that the best way to pull through it is to actually do the thing and treat it like research.

What I mean by this is to look at my anxieties from a place of curiosity and dive into learning why I’m thinking the way I am. Then after, I take that first step to do whatever I’m anxious to do from a place of “well let’s see if my ‘what ifs’ are true or not.”

In the case of The Chronicle, and like many of my anxieties, my “what ifs” weren’t true, go figure. My writing was at least good enough to get published and I did not completely embarrass myself.

Though my AP style writing skills definitely needed some work, I was satisfied with how that article came out. . . and my article after that, and after that and so on. Soon enough, I felt like I was learning in a way that a classroom wouldn’t be able to provide me. I felt my confidence start to grow in a way I hadn’t felt in a while. I began to involve myself more in this organization and eventually became associate news editor last semester.

Though my anxiety was still present in the back of my mind, I feel proud of myself. I am nowhere perfect in my writing, or anything for that matter, but it was through The Chronicle that I learned to accept that. I didn’t let my “what ifs” get to me.

There are so many people who shaped me during my time with The Chronicle who’ve graduated before me. I want to thank former Editor-in-Chiefs Melina Khan and Katie Langley, former Managing Editor Benjamin Yeargin, former News Editor Cat Murphy and former Associate Arts&Life Editor Krystal Miller (whom I wrote my first article with). I’m grateful that you have been a part of my Quinnipiac Chronicle journey.

I also want to thank Editor-in-Chief Alexandra Martinakova for being a great colleague in this organization and a great friend. We’ve managed a lot over the past two years, between our feuds with InDesign and fueling our Sephora addiction. I’m glad that we became copy editors together two years ago, and that we’ve gotten to work together since.

To News Editor Ava Highland, former associate news editor with me, it has been a pleasure working with you this semester. I am incredibly proud of how far you have come over this past year, from your writing skills, technical skills and leadership skills. I know you will go far in this organization and everything you’ll do. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything.

To my fellow graduates; former Managing Editor Collin Kennedy and former Associate Sports Editor Ryan Johanson, congratulations on graduating. I am looking forward to seeing what you do in the future. I know this industry is a competitive one, but I have no doubt you both will succeed in your careers.

And to the rest of the editorial board, incoming and outcoming, you are what makes The Chronicle what it is. We wouldn’t have become an award-winning organization without you and your hard work.

Since I’m being completely vulnerable, I’ll admit that I am battling the “what ifs” right now as I’m writing this, bouncing my leg on the ground and fidgeting like there’s no tomorrow.

Though I’ll be at Quinnipiac next year to complete my master’s degree, my life will look a lot different. I have an internship lined up next semester in a field I haven’t worked in before, and I won’t have the sense of familiarity of being on The Chronicle’s editorial board or being a collegiate member of my sorority, just to name a few. And I TOTALLY haven’t been thinking about what’s to come after graduating with my master’s next year. . . not.

So once again, I will continue to come from a place of inquisitiveness with my “what ifs” and see where my next chapter in life takes me, whatever it may look like. Life is not meant to be controlled by anxieties. Because just maybe, it will work out in the end.

Stay curious.