As someone who needs emotional connection, a situationship is a nightmare. It may seem like a good idea when you are showered in affection and interest, but the feeling eventually fades when you’re stuck in a situation with someone who is refusing to commit to you, but wants all the other benefits.

A situationship is “a romantic relationship that’s undefined or uncommitted,” according to Healthline. It often leads to one person wanting more of a defined relationship than the other, but neither will cut ties because of what they’ve built with each other. It goes on for an extended period of time – for months or even years. Situationships may progress into committed relationships, but other times they stay stagnant.

Situationships aren’t worth the time and hurt feelings, which is why I encourage anyone in one to put themselves first. The energy and effort you are giving to that person is never going to be reciprocated the way you want it to be.

A lot of people can relate to the struggles of dealing with a situationship, especially over social media. 

The hashtag, #Situationship currently has 2.2 billion views on the social media app TikTok. Many creators on the platform express the frustration of being stuck in a situation where they aren’t sure what the other person really wants or why they continue developing a relationship with them.

After spending a lot of time getting to know a person and falling for them, it is hard to simply move on, especially if they are telling you things such as how much they like you or have feelings for you. Popular singers on TikTok, such as Lillian Hepler and Sara Kays, have created songs based on situationships, bringing the topic to light through music.

A situationship can lead to one person promising things to the other, but not following through. Examples of these promises are taking them out to dinner, hanging out with them, watching a movie or even calling them. There can be a lack of communication, whether they don’t understand what you want or if they are unwilling to compromise.

You also can’t call them out for being with other people romantically, even if you are upset about it. Even if you want to explain how much it bothers you, they say something along the lines of: “We’re not dating.” There are no clear lines or boundaries of the relationship.

It can quickly get confusing when you are spending lots of time together, texting all the time and even meeting each other’s friends and family. You feel like you know a lot about this person and care a lot about them, but there is still uncertainty about the future.

With dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble, it is easy to swipe through the options of thousands of potential dates or hookups. In Tinder’s “Year in Swipe” for 2022, the company saw a 49% increase of the word “situationship” in members’ bios. Dating apps can also make it extremely hard to know whether your situationship means exclusively talking to each other or flirting with other people. The person may not even want to admit the reality of what they are doing behind the scenes.

It also makes it difficult for you to meet someone else because you are deeply attached to this person. Even when you get along with a new person, in the back of your mind you’re still thinking about your situationship and comparing the two. You have to watch your friends get flowers, go on dates and post their significant others on social media while you sit back and scroll.

Having a situationship with someone who is not dependable can impact your self-worth and have you question why you aren’t good enough for this person. Indiatimes, a news and media website states, “A person who starts getting more attached to a situationship might also struggle with a decrease in self-esteem or a sense of loneliness due to the potential lack of emotional attachment.” 

It is stressful not knowing if you can fully trust this person or expect them to stay in your life for a long period of time. It has nothing to do with you – it is an issue the other person needs to work through and overcome for themselves. However, that person should be transparent with you about what they want from your relationship.

If you want someone to be exclusively with you and dedicate their time to you, wait for that person to come along rather than trying to seek validation in other places. You can’t force the other person to be with you no matter how well you click or how much you enjoy spending time with them.

Focus on you and what you want to have in a relationship and find someone who matches that.