An open letter to slow walkers on campus

Lindsay Roberts

Dear Slow Walker in front of me,

I can spot your type from a mile away. You tend to be male; however, I have run into (literally) plenty of girls with this slow-walking condition. You also tend to be tall, which also confuses me. A memory of a foggy morning comes to mind, when I got stuck behind a slow-walking athlete. I glared at his warm-ups before passing the roaming giant on the lawn, my shoes getting soaked in the process. I have found through extensive experience and observation that slow walkers exhibit no evidence of physical limitation. So my question is this: what is it that attributes to your likeness of a sloth? I have come to believe the way you walk is a lifestyle choice.

I have tried to accept you. I even wished that I could be as laid back as you, just bopping through life like a leaf in the wind. I acknowledge you, and therein is the unfairness. As I make my sharp weaves in front of you, pony tail swishing side to side, do you see me?

If you have not noticed me, allow me to introduce myself. I am the fast walker behind you. I have places to go and people to see, and you are constantly in my way. When I am hustling to my class you are there, taking up the hallway, tripping over your own feet. When I am trying to grab something from the cafeteria, you are there. I try to make a quick stop in the bathroom, only to find you stopped in the entrance.

And don’t get me started on the gym. I cannot imagine you participating in anything at the gym, but for some reason you are always walking toward that general vicinity. You seem to pick out other slow walkers to be your friends, and the hoard of you all enjoy being excruciatingly good at walking slowly. And there I am, with sweats and headphones in, looking perfectly anti-social, trying to pass you so I can get out of the cold and on with my workout. But no, you insist on conversing on taking up entire pathways, so I have to find creative ways to escape you.

But I’ll tell you what, Slow Walker: I am going to try and slow things down myself, take time to take in what is around me. I just hope I do not come crashing into you in the process.


Fast Walker