DEAR LOVELY RITA: My boyfriend’s package is kind of small. I always tell him it’s fine and size doesn’t matter. He’s great in bed, but he’s kind of embarrassed about it. Can you tell me what to say to him so I can make him feel better about it? – Sorely Tender

DEAR SORELY TENDER: I’ll never understand guys’ obsessions with their junk. So I can’t really tell you the exact comforting words that he would like to hear because he might not even know it himself. It can be hard as a partner to discuss your boyfriend’s package because he’s so damned sensitive about it. I’ll give you some knowledge so you’ll be better, ahem, equipped, to deal with the situation next time it, er, comes up.

Let’s start with one part of your question. You think you’re doing your boyfriend a favor by telling him that size doesn’t matter, but in fact you’re perpetuating the problem.

The greatest myth you can tell a Napoleon type is that size doesn’t matter. Because ladies and gentlemen, in this writer’s opinion, size DOES matter, but only if you make it so. Some of you may already have come to this realization that size matters, therefore I’m preaching to the choir. For some men, that fact may dash a few lingering post-adolescent dreams, but it’s true.

It’s good that you don’t tell him that he’s the biggest you’ve ever seen or whatnot, because you both know it’s not true. Therefore, sensitivity is crucial. Tell your boyfriend it’s okay if he’s a member of the small penis club (welcomed by long-time members Enrique Iglesias and Nick Lachey). While their packages may not be as impressive on sight, guys with small johnsons can still bury the bone just as well as any other guy. If Mother Nature wasn’t particularly generous, tell him to make up for it in enthusiasm and technique, and size won’t make a difference. – Lovely Rita

♦ ♦ ♦

Disclaimer: The Sex on Fire advice column is kept anonymous to avoid violating the privacy of the author.