Usually a good magician will never reveal his tricks. But since I can see the light at the end of the tunnel on my college career, I figure why not?

I’ve never been the best student when it comes to my attendance record, but as long as you still get your grades then who cares?

In all the years of missing class, I’ve had to come up with some real winners in the excuse department. I’m not talking about the dead grandparent type of excuses either; I think we all owe it to ourselves to be more creative than that.

Anyway, here’s a list of the eight best excuses for missing class based on what I’ve used over the past four years. To the professors that read this, don’t hate the player … hate the game.

8. “It’s raining outside.”

Oh wait … that’s the real reason.

7. “I’m having a personal issue.”

No one ever asks questions about a personal issue, but it can only be used for one of your first absences.

6. “I have a Skype interview for a job in Nashville.”

Professors love the idea of job placement, especially in NashVegas.

5. “I’m cohosting the roast of my high school guidance counselor for a children’s hospital benefit.”

It’s for the kids.

4. “A tree almost crushed my car and killed me.”

This one works more for winter time. Find a downed tree, grab your roommate and move it it across your driveway so it looks like you can’t get out, take a picture, and email your teacher. Smartphones can be used to your advantage.

3. “I donated blood and feel too dizzy to come to class.”

The Red Cross truck used for mobile blood donations can always be seen on campus. Use this excuse when you are dead tired and about to pass out. My guess is that by the time midterms roll around, you’ll usually look the part.

2. “I volunteered to take care of pet kittens for the animal shelter.”

Animal shelters always need volunteers to come in and pet the animals so they are warmed up and friendly for adoption when the owners come. True story.

1. “I am a danger to the community.”

Keep up with current events, find out what the current epidemic is and exploit it. I missed a once a week class three times to watch the Yankees win the World Series. Conveniently swine flu was big at the time. I drank a cup of buffalo sauce before class started, went in, and got sent home immediately. And I never had to worry about unexcused absences.