A lot of people blame Mexicans for many of the economic woes our country is facing today. Many of them take low-skill jobs likes flipping burgers or mowing lawns for wages that would otherwise be insulting for non-Mexicans.

Regardless, they’re stealing our jobs. Every day. Why would someone hire a skilled landscape artist to revamp the front lawn for $100 per hour when we can just hire seven Mexicans to do it for $10 an hour with the division of labor? They wouldn’t; it’s more expensive.

Mexicans are taking all the jobs teenagers and high schoolers should be taking to develop a good work ethic. Mexicans take jobs like flipping burgers, cleaning dishes, and mowing lawns. Mexicans need to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on Mexicans.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? Machines. A single machine can effectively do the work of a dozen workers plowing fields or manufacturing cars on an assembly line. Why pay 20 assembly workers a $25,000 annual salary when you can just make the one-time expense of buying some machine for $250,000 that will last for five years? You wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. It’s just one-tenth of the cost, and machines don’t have sick days. Machines are taking all the jobs many hardworking Americans need to put food on the table for their families. We have ATMs taking the place of tellers, assembly machines putting together cars rather than auto-mechanics, and giant one-man field plows which eliminates the need for 25 workers with shovels. Machines need to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on machines.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? The Internet. The Internet allows us to instantly access anything and everything all around the world, including paying our bills electronically, and buying clothes from clothing stores’ websites, not to mention the fact that it’s the epicenter of information. Why should Best Buy hire 50 clerks when they only need 25 because half of their clientele shops online? Why would a company like Best Buy choose to only operate out of buildings when it can also operate online, expanding their sales while downsizing employment? They wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. Plus, the Internet doesn’t need a raise or healthcare benefits. The Internet is taking away jobs from librarians at libraries, clerks at stores, and, with the rise of e-mail and e-billing, even letter carriers working for the postal service. The Internet needs to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on the Internet.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? These do-it-yourself workshops they hold at Home Depot every Saturday. Whether it’s wallpapering your kitchen or building a patio for an outside deck, Home Depot hires a single employee to teach a workshop for about 20 people on how to do these things themselves, rendering useless people who actually do tiling, roofing, and plumbing for a living. Why would you hire a pro for $50 per hour plus materials to build your kid a swing set, when you can just do it yourself for free? You wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. Plus if you do it yourself, you don’t have to wait around all day for some stranger to show up at your house and then worry about them stealing your shit. These God-forsaken do-it-yourself workshops make professional plumbers and home fixer-uppers a thing of the past. We need to start a war on do-it-yourself workshops.

The point I’m trying to make is, I don’t understand why there is so much animosity and fear towards low-skilled Hispanics taking low-skilled jobs for lesser pay. They’re not “stealing” jobs. When I think of a Mexican stealing a job, I think of a white person walking out of a Sears with their head held high because of their new promotion, and then a group of Mexicans jumping him and wrestling the job out of his hands as if it were as tangible as a paper bill. If you don’t like the system, that is, companies hiring workers for lower pay, don’t fight the Mexicans: fight capitalism. That is what our economic system is fueled by; minimizing costs to expand the bottom line so the guy at the top can have another vacation home. That’s just how it is. No one is going to hire someone for more money to do the same job because it’s moral. It’s called competing for a job, and if your method of competing means you are willing to work for pubic hairs and a pat on the back, you win.

Or, here’s a grand idea, read a book and make yourself a marketable asset so your only job opportunities aren’t mowing a lawn or cleaning a pool. The more highly-educated you are, the less competition you will find for the job you wish to acquire. I’ve never heard of some CFO at a major corporation writing to the New York Times complaining about all these immigrants competing for the Vice-Chief-Accountant-Executive spot at his company. Heck, maybe if you even go as far as getting a master’s or PhD you won’t have to compete for a job because jobs will compete for you.