Do we date? Or is chivalry outdated? In a generation full of random hook-ups, pornography, strip clubs and numerous walks of shame, it seems like everything is based solely on sex. Why? Well, maybe because society believes sex sells and that naked people will help promote clothes and a person would rather dine in restaurants with half-dressed servers…because we usually sit at home eating buffalo wings in our underwear.
But amidst the lingerie, alluring colognes, and the constantly publicized view of what should be considered intimacy, we seem to be missing a factor. Have we become so completely devoid of emotion that we’ve forgotten romance, or even our manners?
Sure, everyone wants to be desired. It’s part of human nature to want power, status and popularity. We’re also naturally attracted to the excitement of the endless possibilities that lie before us when in a crowd of peers who appear to be walking billboards for desire. After all, we wouldn’t usually gather for a holy women and conservative businessman-themed kegger, and expect to have a good time. We our trained to slim down, dress up and go out there with our game face on to bring back some wild game.
Newsflash: this is not hunting. All animal instincts aside, maybe it’s better to chill out of attack mode for a little while and treat people more like humans and less like a prize.
Spending a social night in bed alone does not fall on the same scale as the kid who was picked last for dodge ball. In a few years, our status will more likely depend on how much money we make and how prevalent we are in the work world, but we’re not quite there yet.
Nowadays, especially in college, it’s easy to rate our success by who we’ve done, rather than what we’ve done, which is an unfortunate combination of peer pressure and glorified one night stands.
For those who are in this mindset, it’s important to remember that approaching someone new takes a lot of courage, and that puts you a step above the rest who choose to spend their nights at home playing videogames for fear they might be rejected from their target audience. However, just like the work world, you may have to go on many interviews before you land a steady job.
It’s likely someone else will be better for the position than you nine out of 10 times, but when you finally get something you want, you’ll be able to chalk the rest up to experience and realize how much you’ve grown as a person. With this in mind, going home alone doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life. It’s easy to blame ourselves and wonder what we’ve done wrong, but it takes two to tango and not everyone is always in the mood to dance. It’s OK to sit a few out and enjoy the social world around you without being so blindsided by a somewhat self-centered goal.
There is a major difference between looking for someone because you want company and have the desire to have a little late night fun, or if you feel the need to rack up names in your little black book. If more than half your week is spent looking for lust and trying to fill a quota, you may want to consider quality over quantity. When was the last time you kissed someone that really meant something?
For example, after getting to know someone and truly liking the person they are, when you kiss, it may feel like the climax to something that was building for so long. However, a climax to a lot of fondling after a quick introduction certainly doesn’t share the same feeling. With the first situation, you have a whole horizon ahead, instead of watching the sun set on another meaningless sleepover.
It’s OK to have sexual desires. It’s okay to want to fulfill them. However, it’s also OK not to jump on every opportunity that presents itself. Remember, there’s always next weekend.